Week 1 - 2013

 

They say the more things change the more they stay the same.  That was certainly true.  It was supposed to be different.  New season, new coach, new management.  Stadium improvements.  The best offensive and defensive minds in the game in Norv Turner and Ray Horton.  A better fan experience.  It was going to be different, a complete remodel.  Well guess what.  It was exactly the same as it has been 14 out of the last 15 times they’ve opened in the Factory of Sadness.  A big fat loss in front of the greatest fans in football on a beautiful September day in Cleveland.  Another 0-1 start.  A loss to a crappy Dolphins team who managed less than 25 yards on the ground.  A quick death to optimism, just like every other damn year since 1999.  I don’t care about fires for intros or DJs or cell service.  When I come to a Browns game I want them to win.  If they want to improve the “fan experience” improve the team.

Seriously how can a complete remodel produce the exact same crap over and over again?  It’s like replacing a sewage treatment plant with a landfill.  It still STINKS.  It seems almost impossible.  But it happened again.  The same results, the same issues, the same fraudulent pretenders in orange helmets fooling us into thinking that they can be my Browns of the 80’s, or my dad’s Browns of the 60’s.  They aren’t, they never will be.  They’re the new Browns, the same old Browns, the expansion Browns.  And no matter the front office, no matter the coaches, no matter the owner, it’s the same junk year in and year out.

Where to begin?  I went to the game and haven’t watched it again, and not sure that I want to.  Do I want to watch Oniel Cousins embarrass himself again?  Seriously he’s the worst player at his position in the NFL.  There isn’t a worse offensive guard in football.  He’s the absolute worst.  He's an embarrassment to every offensive lineman who has ever played the game.  Do I want to see the Browns try and run behind him, instead of our Pro Bowl left tackle?  I don’t think I do.  Maybe I can watch another coach abandon the run AGAIN, essentially taking his best player out of the game.  I loved it so much when it happened last season.  New coach, same stupidity.  I don’t think I’d like to see Cameron Wake destroying Brandon Weeden on some of his 53 (!!!) pass attempts again.  Think Schwartz could have used some help there Chud?  Norv?  I don’t think I want to see Buster Skrine and Chris Owens try and cover Brian Hartline and Brandon Gibson again.  That was fun enough once in person.  No I think I’ll pass on rewatching this team do their best impression of the other 14 Browns teams that opened their seasons with a home loss.  The players change, the results don’t.

 

While the offense was out there Shurmuring it up, the defense actually played respectably until they wore down late in the game.  Desmond Bryant had a great game.  There were encouraging signs out of the front 7, but the secondary needs help.  Chris Owens and Buster Skrine?  Not going to get it done.  Offensively they should run the pistol.  All game.  Every play.  It gives Weeden a shotgun look while keeping the ability to run the ball.  They ran it a few times early, but then got away from it.  I'm not positive, but I don't think they ran the ball one time out of the shotgun.  So they're pretty much letting the defense know what they're going to do when they come out in it. Pistol.  All day.  Also, some screens and draws might help keep a defense honest.  Just a thought there, Chud.  What a disaster.  I honestly am stunned that they played so badly.

 

I hope Joe Banner completely rebrands this team next year when they change their uniforms.  These guys don’t deserve to wear the same uniforms that Otto Graham and Jim Brown wore.  Go chrome on the helmet, completely redesign the jerseys.  People will cry about tradition.  What tradition do these “new” Browns have?  Losing every opener at home?  A complete overhaul every two or three years?  Not making the playoffs?  Those are the traditions of these new Browns.  And they sure held up their end yesterday.  A garbage loss to a crappy team at home.  I’m at a loss.  I’m sick of watching this team lose.  I’m sick of listening to coaches tell me it’s a process.  I’m sick of Brandon Weeden thinking that he plays well when he throws 3 picks.  I’m sick of Trent Richardson only getting the ball 10 times a game.  I was optimistic about the Browns going into yesterday.  I’m convinced now that they are a 4-12 team.  AGAIN.  Maybe they’ll get it fixed next week who knows.  But the optimism I had going into the season has been napalmed.  As B Ross says, maybe it’s tank for Teddy or Tajh time already.  After week 1.  It’s another Cleveland Browns tradition – looking forward to the draft in September.

 

 

gifs of the week

 

Jason Witten reenacts the Browns game in 2 seconds

 

FUMBLEROOSKI

 

Clay Matthews goes superman for a personal foul

 

And the idiotic play of the week, maybe the season.  Nice job Danny.