Toth's Takes: Week 13

I didn't even want to write anything today. Not about this team. Maybe it's the Monday after Thanksgiving hangover effect. Maybe it was all the actual good football I watched all week. Maybe it's because on Saturday I watched two of the best football games I've ever seen, in Ohio State-Michigan and Auburn-Alabama. But more likely it was because of Brandon Weeden and Alex Mack and all the other Browns who make football in Cleveland unenjoyable. And they did their part on Sunday.

Losing to Jacksonville at home is not easy. It's downright hard, really. They are not very good. And Chad Henne is awful. I like Gus Bradley and all but it takes a lot to lose to the Jags. And the Browns did. All it takes is a second quarter flame out, (sound familiar?) Brandon Weeden, and a lack of pass rush. That's the formula. Everything else being equal, that's how the Browns lose every week. 32-28 Jacksonville. And honestly I hope they lose every game for the rest of the season, and get a real quarterback. Until that happens, they will continue to suck. Just like the have for the past 15 years. They SUCK.

A funny thing happened though. I felt nothing. An empty void. I would normally have been screaming at the TV. Kicking the air, swearing, throwing clothing. Not this game. Nothing. I said the Browns couldn't have paid me to come to the Factory of Sadness for this game, and I meant it. They have reached the level of shittiness where I, emotional ticking time bomb Browns fan, don't care. Lose to the Jags you bums. Get your butts kicked all over the field against the Steelers, lose to the Jets, I don't care. Get a higher draft pick. Maybe don't screw it up this time. But I don't care. Trot out Jason Campbell, Brandon Weeden, Alex Tanney, Dennis Northcutt, I don't care. They all suck. The season really ended with that flameout against the Bengals, then in case there was any feeling left there was the punch to the balls by the Steelers. Every single year, right around Thanksgiving, usually on the third or fourth quarterback, this happens. And every year, in April, I get excited again. And every year, in August, I'm convinced that this is the year. And then comes November. Rinse. Repeat.

It's like getting hit in the face with an elephant dart everytime Brandon Weeden drops back to pass and fumbles, or throws the ball to the other team, or finds some way to suck worse that he did 5 minutes ago. A concussion, Brandon? Really? It's always something when you spectacularly flame out. A thumb one week. A concussion. I didn't even know you could get a concussion in your VAGINA. You are the worst, Brandon Weeden. The worst. You make me yearn for Doug Pederson and Thaddeus Lewis.

And Alex Mack. They tell me he's good. He's not. He's probably one of the worst picks since the Browns have been back. A center. A GD center in the first round of the draft. Over Clay Matthews and Percy Harvin. He gets a crucial penalty every week, usually having something do to with the snap count. Alex, buddy, you're the center. IT'S YOUR JOB TO KNOW THE SNAP COUNT. This week he snapped the ball ten feet over Brandon Weeden's head. Brandon, so full of football instincts, kicked the ball from the goal line out of bounds for a safety rather than attempting to, I don't know, pick it up and throw it away. This is seriously the stupidest football team I've ever seen. Alex Mack also calls the protections. He stinks at that too. I beg you to not lose any sleep over the fact that the Browns have made no effort to resign him. They are getting it right.

I wish I had recordings of all the fools at the trade deadline saying the Browns should trade Josh Gordon for a second round pick. Right Dustin Fox? He's the only real player on this offense (except Joe Thomas of course). I said it last week and I'll say it again, Jordan Cameron has packed it in. Maybe playing with a real quarterback would help him. Who cares.

So, four more games. Who's excited? Start scouting college quarterbacks. My money's on Derek Carr right now for the Browns but who knows if we keep losing we may get Teddy B! Get pumped! The nightmare is a month away from ending, and the promise of the draft will take over. And in a year, maybe there won't be late November sadness. But for now fill that empty void with dreams of competent quarterback play, with college football, with holiday spirit. And next year, maybe around this time, maybe there will be a team worth feeling something about.

Random gifs

I love you forever and ever Marcus Hall.